Sunday, January 08, 2006

Astrology

I saw this ad for an sms horoscope service that tells you what you can expect for the day, for a modest price of 70 cents. Three years ago I would have spewed venom at the kind of people who would spend 37 Rs for a shitty generalisation! But recently I have grown a tolerance towards astrology for the following reasons...
1. A knowledge of the zodiac signs is important (almost as important as reading the Da Vinci code) to be socially accepted in youth circles of 21st century urban India. In fact, my ignorance in that respect, I think, is an important factor in my embarassingly low success rate with the oppoite sex.
2. Star Signs, someone once told me, are a good way to remember peoples' birthdays.
3. They are also important conversation and ice-breaking tools. This was my first conversation with P..
P: Hi. When's your birthday?
Me: September 8th
P: Oh you are a virgo? I HATE virgos!!
Me: (the blank look that usually accompanies moments when crisp retorts desert you)
4. Most importantly I believe astrology is a great art! No, I don't believe that the stars actually influence our lives, but I have great respect for people who can cut the world's population into 12 equal parts and compose drivel that makes each of the 6 billion people go 'Its SO true'. It's not easy! My mom and her twin were born just 2 minutes apart (btw, its their birthday today. happy 50th, ladies!) and I can't think of ONE common thing between them except that they are both flat-footed. On the other hand, Linda Goodman can write hundreds of pages accurately describing you (and the 499,999,999 other people that you share your zodiac sign with) simply based on the month you were born. That's rhetoric genius! They just seem to instictively know exactly what you want to hear. Notice how even the 'criticism' is designed to tug at your vanity, "Your perfectionist instincts can annoy people" or "You can hurt people with your brutal frankness". See that's smart! Show me a person who doesn't think he/she is frank and I'll show you a man who thinks he is NOT a good driver! And then there are things that seem like criticisms but are actually not-so-thinly-veiled compliments, like "You are an underachiever". Brilliant! Even Larry Page I'm sure believes he can achieve more. Remember even Oskar Schindler was dissatisifed that he saved only a thousand lives.
In the end, maybe the 70 cents is money well spent after all. Or maybe not. Ah hell! I can't decide. Indecisiveness - that's so typical Virgo!
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