Tuesday, February 28, 2006

953031640 seconds to go...

According to this I die on May 13 2036. Satisfying to know I'll never have to put money into retirement plans. Don't bug me again dad.

Here's a selection of Bart Simpson's( darn, he'll still be 9 in 2036) chalkboard gags.

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Grammar is not a time of waste.
A trained ape could not teach gym.
I cannot hire a substitute student.
I will not sleep through my education.
I will not fake my way through life
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Funny noises are not funny
This punishment is not boring and pointless
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
The truth is not out there
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
A trained ape could not teach gym
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
Sandwiches should not contain sand
A booger is not a bookmark
Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual

I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS
" " " " " "
" " " " " "

Underwear should be worn on the inside
I do not have diplomatic immunity
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
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