Thursday, September 21, 2006

Hyderabad trip

Everytime I travel in a bus, train or plane, I always end up sitting next to an obscenely obese gentleman. Each time, I wait for the law of averages to catch up with me and usher in some long overdue justice, preferably in the form of a hot-babe neighbour in the bus. I sent up a little prayer before boarding the bus to Hyderabad, but apparently I'm not doing it right. The guy who sat next to me looked like he could easily edge Yokozuna out of the dohyo.

As a result, I was playing mind games with the fatso all night long when I should have been sleeping. Straightaway I realised that I was the underdog, and I graciously relinquished all my rights on the common armrest. But these fatsos never stop there. As soon as they sleep, they spill over in all directions. My first course of action was to repeatedly recline and straighten my seat in order to point out that large chunks of adipose had made their way to the wrong side of the common armrest. When that failed to work, I took jerky jabs with my elbow to upset his peace, while pretending that I'm doing all that in my sleep. I must add that I adhered to all bullet points on the geneva convention's regulations for this kind of warfare; my elbow never once left my airspace. But sigh! I guess the nerve endings were buried too deep down because he didn't budge an inch. I gave up trying to sleep.

Apparently, I've accumulated a lot of bad karma, because on the return trip I sat next to a man, who in an ideal world, would voluntarily buy two tickets for himself.

And here's the vote of thanks.

K, you're a swell host buddy. Although you should work on your welcome gestures. Atleast wear a few more clothes.

M & A, thanks for the charming company. See you in bangalore soon.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm pissed

oh boy! Give the book a break. It was written a million years ago. Those things do go out of date, you know? Maybe the guys who wrote it were the smartest people at the time, but for fuck's sake, they may have got it wrong. Take Aristotle. He was bloody smart but he misunderstood his own outstanding brain; the guy thought that it was an organ to cool the blood. They get it wrong sometimes.

Who the hell gave those other turd-brains the right to make you sing something you don't wanna sing?

nationality and religion. Why do people expect you to be loyal to choices you never made?

Friday, September 01, 2006

Things I'll miss

Things I will miss when I leave Belgium, in pretty much this order.
* Buana , Roberto, Meneer and Charlie. I came here a year ago looking for the same things that people usually look for when they leave their own shores; experiences, money, an illusion of advancement, expansion of the mind and all that jazz. Funny, I never had thought I'd make friends too.
* The Flemish language and the Flemish people. Belgium is a tiny country surrounded by chauvinism on the east and south and self-assuredness on the north. Somehow the Flemish have managed to stay immune to those vices, evident in the way they take pride in speaking at least 4 languages.
* The beers. When I first made a rather naive vow to taste all belgian beers before I leave, Buana asked me to extend my contract for atleast another decade. I then saw this board and knew what he meant.

The 280 doesn't even begin to cover the number of types and brands of beer you get here.I will especially miss Leffe Bruin and Rochefort 8.
* The fries. Notice I don't call them "french" fries. You get the most awesome fries in the roadside shops (frituurs) here. I don't know if it's a myth, but all 10 million Belgians seem to believe that a Belgian invented the fries and the French took credit for it. Charlie calls it the greatest crime in history.
* The main street of Antwerp, Meir. The city square,Groenplaats. The riverside, right bank of the Schelde.
* Playing pool and watching football with the ghanians and the kenyans.
* Ice skating rinks.
* finally, DEFINITELY the belgian pout!