D*** of the month - Joe Barton

I accompanied S-man on his trip to the RTO, where, when we were not rebounding from desk to desk, we were being made to wait for no other reason but that one sadistic clerk wanted to assert his dominion. After an experience like that I invariable turn libertarian and I want the government to get out of my way. I do see merit in that argument; the government's role should not be to entrench itself but to setup structures so that it can render itself redundant. But for taking that idea to an absurd extreme, I give you the d*** of the month, Joe Barton.

The BP oil spill has screwed up a huge water body, several beaches, numerous livelihoods and countless birds. After that disaster, the first decent thing that BP has done is to agree to spend $20 B on those affected by the disaster. But before they could put that money to use, Barton, Texan republican and member on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, had this to say to the CEO of BP Tony Hayward when the latter appeared before congress
"I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation (BP) can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown, in this case, a $20 billion shakedown, with the attorney general of the United States. But I apologize. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong is subject to some sort of political pressure..”

Thank God we'll never let something like that happen in India. Right?

Do** of the month - Sri Janardhana Reddy

A few days ago a newspaper carried a report that bloggers could be arrested if they are found to defame respectable citizens. Since I'm not very confident about my countrymen's understanding of democratic rights, I'm taking the necessary precautions by masking two crucial letters in the word Do**. You know what it stands for, but if I get arrested I'll insist I meant "Dood" or something!

Presenting this week's Do**- Sri Janardhana Reddy, the minister who was protecting his iron mines with all his energy while half his constituency was four feet underwater. This week he claimed that there's no illegal mining happening in our state. He conclusively proved it by telling us this, and I quote here, "We are dignified and honest people. This can be known through our donation of Rs one crore to Sri Krishna temple.". Case closed! Thank god for that. If you can recall he has demonstrated how much he loves the people of this state by another awesome gesture; he offered a crown worth Rs. 45 Crore to the god at Tirupati. Experts agree that without that offering his constituency would have been 8-feet underwater.

I dare you, oh reader, find me a better do**!

Do** of the month - Sri Ramachandra Gowda

It's heartrending to watch the aerial shots of the flood-hit areas in north karnataka played over and over again on the 24-hr news channels. You've heard all sorts of explanations on why something like this could happen; from bad karma to ill-managed large dams to climate change. But what do the plebians understand! Our ministers, on the other hand, are on top of it. Our dear minister Sri. Ramachandra Gowda proved it when he succinctly expressed who has to be blamed for this calamity. I'm not making this up, but he really insists that our astrologers got us into this mess by not predicting it!

I tried to dig up dirt from this dude's past. He seems to have started flubbing rather early in life. When he was leading a Goan liberation movement, they asked him to coin a snappy little chantable slogan and he came up with one that romped into the wordsmith hall of fame: "Nehruji Ab kya kare – Police lekar Goa chalo". He was later rewarded for his wonderful scientific temper when he was handed over the Ministry of Science and Technology! Which, I'm guessing, he promptly handed over to his court astrologer. Sleep well folks, this country is in safe hands.